Greek Texts & Translations

1170 There! ... Look at my get-up and tell me which rich man I most resemble in my walk.

Why, you look like a garlic plaster on a boil.

Ah! I am longing to swagger and sway my arse about.

Now, will you know how to talk gravely 1175 with well-informed men of good class?

Undoubtedly.

What will you say to them?

Oh, lots of things. First of all I shall say, that Lamia, seeing herself caught, let flee a fart; then, that Cardopion and his mother ...

Come, no fabulous tales, pray! 1180 talk of realities, of domestic facts, as is usually done.

Ah! I know something that is indeed most domestic. Once upon a time there was a rat and a cat ...

"Oh, you ignorant fool," as Theagenes said to the dung-gatherer in a rage. 1185 Are you going to talk of cats and rats among high-class people?

Then what should I talk about?

Tell some dignified story. Relate how you were sent on a solemn mission with Androcles and Clisthenes.

On a mission! never in my life, except once to Paros, a job which brought me in two obols a day.

1190 At least say, that you have just seen Ephudion doing well in the pancratium with Ascondas and, that despite his age and his white hair, he is still robust in loin and arm and flank and that his chest is a very breastplate.

Stop! stop! what nonsense! 1195 Who ever contested at the pancratium with a breast-plate on?

That is how well-behaved folk like to talk. But another thing. When at wine, it would be fitting to relate some good story of your youthful days. What is your most brilliant feat?

1200 My best feat? Ah! when I stole Ergasion's vine-props.

You and your vine-props! you'll be the death of me! Tell of one of your boar-hunts or of when you coursed the hare. Talk about some torch-race you were in; tell of some deed of daring.

1205 Ah! my most daring deed was when, quite a young man still, I prosecuted Phayllus, the runner, for defamation, and he was condemned by a majority of two votes.

Enough of that! Now recline there, and practise the bearing that is fitting at table in society.

1210 How must I recline? Tell me quick!

In an elegant style.

Like this?

Not at all.

How then?

Spread your knees on the tapestries and give your body the most easy curves, like those taught in the gymnasium. Then praise some bronze vase, 1215 survey the ceiling, admire the awning stretched over the court. Water is poured over our hands; the tables are spread; we sup and, after ablution, we now offer libations to the gods.

But, by Zeus! this supper is but a dream, it appears!

The flute-player has finished the prelude. 1220 The guests are Theorus, Aeschines, Phanus, Cleon, Acestor; and beside this last, I don't know who else. You are with them and will show how to take up the songs that are started.

Really? None of the Diacrians will show them.